English transcript

I know it looks bad.

I know it looks really bad.

You have to trust me on this one.

Look, man. Man to man.

Like, I know you're an officer, I get that, but look, it's not what you think it

is. It's not.

Really? What is this? I promise you. It's...

it's not what you think it is.

It's not a sandwich,

but it's not anything illegal.

Why don't you go sit down?

Let me investigate. All right.

I pro... I promise.

I promise it's nothing bad.

What is going on?

Are you kidding me?

No, look...

I promise it's nothing bad.

He's overreacting.

He's overreacting? We'll find out.

He's overreacting.

You have a freaking...

who knows what wrapped in freaking tape?

No, no, I...

you're... you're gonna love it.

You're gonna love it. Gonna love it? Yeah.

I promise you're gonna love it.

Keep going. Okay. It is... it is the best thing I've ever bought you.

I cannot even believe you right now. It's better than the car. Can you just move?

It's better than the house.

Stop talking, please.

Just stop talking. It's better than the dog. Stop talking.

You just ruined our whole vacation. Officer...

You literally just ruined our entire vacation.

Officer, you're ruining the vacation.

Oh my god. It's...

no, it's better than the vacation. I don't... what are you doing right now?

I cannot believe what you're doing right now. Better than Tahiti. The Bahamas.

The time we went gambling.

It's better than all of that.

Like, are they gonna do anything wrong with the vacation? We're still gonna go.

They're gonna stop the plane! No, no, no... They're gonna stop the plane!

No, they're not. I'm gonna be a prison wife!

No, you're not.

Oh my god! I am not gonna be with someone who's gonna be in prison.

You will never see a prison.

You'll never see a prison. I can't do it.

No, you won't.

Just so many plans... No, I'm not going to prison.

We spent so much time together.

I know, and we will.

We... we will still spend so much time together.

The vacation...

I can't believe you right now.

Are you freaking kidding me right now? No...

No, there's no kittens here. I promise.

This is perfect for us. You're...

you're gonna love it.

No, he's overreacting.

It's nothing bad.

Don't tell me how to do my job.

Our vacation! It's nothing bad, officer.

I promise you.

Our entire vacation is done.

The vacation's great. Everything's over. No, I'm not dealing with this.

It has nothing to do with the vacation. You just be man. I can't...

No, that's not true.

Don't call your mom. I'm done.

I'm not dealing with this.

I'm not being part of a...

No, it's okay. Officer,

officer, listen to me. Oh my goodness.

I promise you it's nothing bad.

I'm sure you've seen a lot of bad things in your time.

Can you just stop talking? Just stop talking. Officer, I pro... I promise.

How did you get through customs with this? I...

That's my question exactly!

No, the customs people were chill.

They were cool. Oh, they were?

Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah.

They were real chill. They understood. They understood completely.

Find that hard to believe. I don't even know who you are. No, it's... it's okay.

That's why I made you turn around at customs.

I didn't want you to see.

You didn't want me to see? I didn't want you to see. What the...

are you kidding me? You...

this is gonna change our lives.

Yeah, we're gonna...

It's gonna change our lives forever.

I'm not gonna be a prison girlfriend!

I'm sorry! I'm not interested!

You won't! You won't!

We're not going to prison! I don't date people like this! There is no prison.

I thought you had a real job!

Prison does not exist! I do!

I'm visiting you at work!

What are you doing? I have a real job! And you will...

you'll keep visiting me at work.

No, you're not gonna have a job!

Yes, I will! Are you kidding me? No, we're gonna play better...

You're gonna be behind bars!

We're gonna play better golf.

This is so embarrassing!

We're going to go see my freaking mother for crying out loud!

I'm not going to jail.

I'm not going to jail.

You're literally going to jail!

I promise. I'm not going to jail.

Oh my god. Now they're gonna think that I was involved in this! Officer...

we're chill. We're cool.

I knew nothing... I knew nothing about this, by the way.

She doesn't. She doesn't. Nothing about this!

I made sure she doesn't.

I made sure she doesn't. Nothing at all!

It's all for her. I promise.

I can't even... No, you can.

No, I... I hope you don't believe... What's this?

It's gonna blow your mind.

What's this?

What is this? Oh...

What is this? Engagement ring.

What is this?

Oh my god.

Engagement ring.

What? Oh my god.

Are you kidding me? Yeah.

Really? You're gonna propose?

I told you it was a crystal.

Oh my gosh!

Are you serious?

Of course, baby. We're not going to prison.

Oh, I'm so sorry!

Of course not. Oh my gosh! Why would you do that?

You don't have a metal detector? I thought it would be better... Oh my god!

I thought it would be better that way. Oh my god! I love you.