Satirical Monologue on Identity and Politics

Let's go. One day, Mykola was in his kitchen cutting up some salo with a knife.

And Mother Ukraine told Mykola: “Serve,” and sent him a draft notice.

And right away, the passage in Mykola’s asshole got fucked and became very narrow.

Mykola figured out what was what, and immediately started shouting: “I’m Russian and I always have been.

I’m Russian, Crimea is Russia.

I’m Russian, to spite all the Banderites.

I’m Russian, and Zelensky is a dickhead.”